Why Social Media Deserves More Space in Our Conversations with Teens
Social media has become an inseparable part of modern adolescence. It shapes how teens connect, express themselves, and understand the world around them. Yet in therapy, conversations about social media are often brief, tucked into a question about “screen time” or whether a teen is “addicted to their phone.” What can get missed is how central these online experiences are to a young person’s emotional world. In my work with teens, I make social media a regular part of our conversations, because it’s where so many of their peer interactions actually play out. By exploring what their digital world looks and feels like, I can better understand their mood, self-esteem, and the ways they cope or communicate. It’s an essential lens for understanding their day-to-day emotional experience beyond exploring friendships, family dynamics, and school pressures.
The Double-Edged Nature of Social Media
The research on social media and youth mental health paints a nuanced picture. There’s no denying that excessive use and exposure to certain types of content can relate to anxiety, depression, poor sleep, and low self-esteem. Teens can easily find themselves comparing their lives to others’ highlight reels or feeling pressure to perform online. At the same time, social media isn’t inherently harmful. Studies have also found that it can offer meaningful benefits such as connection, creativity, belonging, and identity exploration. For many young people, online spaces are where they find peers who share their experiences, where they can express themselves authentically, and where they access supportive communities they might not have offline.
A blanket “social media is bad” stance misses that nuance. It can also close off opportunities for honest reflection, leaving teens feeling misunderstood or judged. In my work with teens, I provide a space to unpack that complexity: to explore not just how much time is spent online, but how that time is experienced.
Bringing Social Media into Family Conversations
Talking about social media with teens doesn’t have to feel like policing screens or lecturing about tech. It’s about opening space for curiosity, connection, and understanding how digital experiences shape their emotions and relationships. Here are a few ways parents can start these conversations:
1. Explore Habits and Patterns
Ask open-ended questions about when and how your teen uses social media. What apps do they like most? Does scrolling help them relax or feel overwhelmed? These questions help you understand what social media offers them—connection, escape, comfort, or stimulation.
2. Explore Content and Emotional Responses
Invite your teen to reflect on the kinds of posts, creators, or trends they follow. What content inspires them? What leaves them stressed or insecure? Talking about emotional reactions helps build awareness and sets the tone for healthier media habits.
3. Explore Peer and Identity Dynamics
Social media is often tied to teens’ sense of belonging and identity. Ask how they feel about posting, whether they experience online pressure, or what feels authentic to them. These conversations help you understand their social world and the roles they’re navigating online.
4. Normalize the Discussion
Make social media a regular topic—not just something you bring up when there’s a problem. Curiosity and openness help teens feel safe sharing both the positive and challenging parts of their digital lives.
Every Teen’s Relationship with Social Media is Unique
Just as no two teens have identical friendships or family experiences, their relationships with social media vary widely. Its impact depends on a range of factors, including their baseline self-esteem and resilience to negative stimuli, their ability to regulate emotions, the kind of content they’re consuming and for how long, the presence of supportive adults and peers, and what’s happening in their broader life context such as school, home, or identity development.
For some, social media is a source of stress; for others, it’s a lifeline. The goal isn’t to ban it completely, but to understand how your teen feels while using it. Asking gentle questions about what they enjoy, what feels hard, or what leaves them drained can help teens build awareness of how their online experiences shape their mood.
When we overlook social media, we risk missing an essential part of a young person’s story. These platforms are often where emotions are expressed, connections are made, and identities are explored. By inviting regular, curious, nonjudgmental conversations about digital life at home, parents can help their teens integrate their online and offline experiences in healthier, more balanced ways.
References:
Alluhidan, A., Akter, M., Alsoubai, A., Park, J. K., & Wisniewski, P. (2024). Teen talk: The good, the bad, and the neutral of adolescent social media use.Proceedings of the ACM on Human-Computer Interaction, 8(CSCW2), Article 422. https://doi.org/10.1145/3686961
